Transforming our shadow into light

 

We all have a pain story.  We all have a past where we have been hurt, dumped, and left broken-hearted.  We think our story makes us unique.  We believe that no one could fully understand our suffering.

As we enter into the new moon I have been contemplating letting go of my pain story.  To no longer let my pain story define me now, and into the future.

I went to a new moon ceremony that included stories about goddesses, live music and asana practice.

We were led us through yoga asanas while the musicians chanted.  We were told in this new moon we have an opportunity to transform our shadow into light, and to set our intention.

What is it that no longer serves you that you can now let go of?

What darkness would you like to release to the light of this new moon?

 

The Omega center 2017 catalogue

What is it about receiving the omega institute catalogue in early spring, that makes my spirit soar? The setting has to be right for the first glance of the offerings.   I need to be in a place with no pressure, a place I can dream of possibilities and relax before I open the 2017 catalogue.

I hold the magazine/brochure/schedule with the reverence of scripture, as if it hold all the potential of my soul.  Why?  Do I believe that if I take enough courses I would be enlightened?  That I would be more evolved by end of the Oct 2017 season?

That I could be changed from being a student to being a master of life?

I have always dreamed of volunteering at Omega center, for a season and eventually teaching there, and having a cottage nearby. For me teaching there would be the “holy grail” of achievement. Omega is a place where all the good things happened to me in my life. I swear the land energy is transformative on its own. The connections  I have made there have endured.

Big turning points, big transitions, meeting life long friends and now my new life/soul mate partner and finding my spiritual teacher.  All of it happened at omega centre.   Flashback to 2015 I picked up the omega catalogue in February, the ice was still on the lake in rural Canada where I lived.

I nestled into my pillows and flipped reverently through the pages folding over the corners of every workshop that appealed to me.   My usual process each year to write down every workshop I was interested in, all on one page and then eliminate workshops based on schedule and timing.  This time I heard a voice clear as a bell, it said “whatever you do, you must attend this course”.  The course was a weekend in  October with Dr. Barbara D’angelis called Soul Shifts. I registered.

At that course I met my life partner, and a wonderful spiritual teacher all in one.  My life has never been the same.

Do not underestimate the possibilities of timing and spirit at Omega center. Another example is when I attended a “Hearts Desire workshop” with Sonya Choquette.  I met a great friend there that has led to an eight year sisterhood, with a woman who was wanting to leave her husband and be free.  Now eight years later she is free and in a gorgeous relationship.  Eight years ago when we met,  I was widowed and deeply suicidal and on strike with life.  Eight years later I am in love and transformed.

This is the Ju Ju power, that I hold in my hands when I hold the omega catalogue.  For me these pages represent potential, transformation, future direction and love of myself.  No wonder I approach this seasons offerings with reverence.  If you are guided to take a course.  Do it!. Trust me.

 

 

Flashbulb memories

“Flashbulb memories are nearly photographic recall of paticularly shocking events. The specifics of flashbulb events can change in our minds, but what is nearly impossible to erase is their emotional impact”   Michael d. Lemonick- The Wall Street Journal.

For me being in a new relationship I have constant flashbulb memories of moments in my past marriage.  When someone dies it is not the big romantic moments you remember, it is the small silly details.  This morning my new partner who I am living in the mountains with went to the fridge, and grabbed a slice of baloney.  He smeared it with mayonnaise.  I sat there entranced watching him roll it up, and pop it into his mouth with such glee.

I was in a complete flashback to my previous husband who loved baloney, he used to make bread, butter and baloney sandwiches and freeze them.  He would take a stack of them to work.

When his doctor told him to cut back on fat due to high cholesterol, I nagged him about his baloney habit.   Flash forward to now, watching my fiance, pop baloney into his mouth made me feel warm and sad, there was a bittersweetness to the memory.

Memory is an interesting thing.  I was thinking about what causes us suffering in life, and I believe a lot of it has to do with hanging onto memories.  Hanging onto the past, investing life force energy in past experiences.

Recently we went to see my finance’s mother who has alzheimers, she was joyful, happy, living right in each moment because that is all she has left.  Is this not what we strive for in enlightenment?  To live in the moment?

What is the purpose of our memory?

Researchers tell us that our memory is designed to help us accumulate knowledge to make sense of the world and to navigate it better.

I know my memories are not exact, they are my interpretation, and from my perspective, and speak to the emotional impact the experience had on me at the time.

How often do we have “relationship flashbacks”?  Where we notice something our new partner does, and it triggers a past memory postive or negative from a previous relationship?