The agony and extacy of re-birth

I have heard many folks say “if only I had more time I would write”.  If only is the cry of our generation.  If only I was fitter, If only I was healthier, If only I had time to take care of myself!    I believe this is a big trap… my  ego says to me  if only I had more time…..I would do………how would you finish this sentence?

The hardest thing is to have all the time in the world, and be in a process of consciously re-inventing yourself.   How do you re-invent or re-birth yourself?

Some people do it through relationships.   Through their spouse or children.  Some people re-invent themselves by changing their job or surroundings.  These are all external reinvention.  I am talking about internal re-birth.

Cultivating deep listening and spaciousness is a brave pursuit.  It is easier to continue what you know, even if it is not fulfilling, because it fills the void.   We do lots of things to fill that “void”.

According to science, voids are part of the expansion of the universe.  “The evolution of a void’s shape is in part the result of the expansion of the Universe”. (Wikipedia).

Creating spaciousness and room for the unknown, the unexplained, the mystery of life is necessary for growth and is mighty unnerving.

Michael Bernard Bedworth (MBB)  tells us to ask our soul; what is trying to emerge through me?   

Re-birth requires a willingness to “not know”.  A humbleness to remain open and curious, despite your age and experience.  To trust that something is emerging as MBB says.

My worst fear says “what if nothing is emerging, what if there is nothing there! What if  you have nothing to say or give!” The voice of fear is like a protective mother, yelling at her kid in the playground not to climb too high on the monkey bars.

I know this is my internalized voice of fear.  Fear of my own unknown, fear of my own mystery, fear of my own expansiveness.  If I stay within the known universe only, I will remain in the smallest of experiences.

Time to get comfortable with the mystery of life, with the void within myself, and the spaciousness of time.

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