what is your superpower?

To me a superpower is something that is part of your natural instinct, it has been there all your life. It is something connected to your internal values.

My friend Diana, who is an artist says she can feel the grief of the earth.   This weighs heavy on her heart.  This feels like a wound or burden.  However when this is transformed into meaningful action in the world I believe this will become her superpower.

My superpower is a willingness to be with people in dark places such as grief and death to walk beside them so they are not alone.

My friend Rod who is an excellent addiction coach says “that our superpower is born out of our deepest wound. We can find strength in the wound. And we can become champions for those who still suffer from our greatest setback.  Helen Keller did this for the deaf and blind.  Franklin D. Roosevelt did this for the crippled.  And Bill W. did this for the addicted.   For each of these heroes, their greatest strength came from their deepest wound. And yes, we too can be heroes”.  www.facebook.com/VBRecovery

Recognizing your superpower is essential to creating meaningful change in the world.

I recently saw a woman’s shirt that said “hope is my superpower”.

Do you know what your superpower is?

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A leap of faith

I had my nails done today by a man called phow.  I asked about his tatoo on his arm.  He told me it was his Karma in love.  He then told me the story of growing up in Vietnam. Experiencing his first love.  He said that they were  a famous couple in his small town as they loved openly.  He became a baker and owned his own bakery.

Then she got married to an American and moved to California.  They stayed in touch.  She would come back every 3 months to see him.  She eventually sponsored him to come to the USA.

He revealed that when he arrived in California he was the “second man”.  He did not like this and asked his girlfriend to divorce her husband.  She did.  Then he realised that she loved money and expensive things more than him.

He said that USA changed her.  He moved to Nebraska and learned to do nails and then moved to Colorado.  He told me he followed his heart and risked everything for love.

He does not regret it at all.  He believes in destiny.  he gave up everything and took a leap of faith for love.

How many of us would do that?

What is a leap of faith. 

It is a risk, a leaving of your comfort zone. 

A departure from the familiar in the hopes of receiving something in return.

A way to throw yourself into the fire

A way to experience change and transformation

A leap of faith is an act of believing in or attempting something whose existence or outcome cannot be proved. What would you consider as your leap of faith?

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Alive

Being alive is the golden ticket!

Even on the days I want to cry

The days I feel sick and tired

Days that I wish I could get in the bath with a beer and fall asleep

We are blessed to be here.

People line up for the experience of being human I hear.

There are days I wish my body was more functional, but I am so happy to be able to drink water laying down, to be able to eat, and hold food down.

I am a miracle.  

I am so grateful to feel the glorious privilege of being alive!

Right here, Right now!

 

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Anger at god

She cried out, why is this so hard, why is he suffering so much?  Please take him lord I can’t take it anymore.  He was gone in the next two hours.  Since then I have been angry.  Why did he have to suffer so much?  Why did it have to be so hard.

This was one of my clients share in our grief group.  I asked her if she was angry at god.  This is not something we talk about in loss.  We can be angry at the doctors, the medical staff but not God.

When my husband died suddenly.  I had the pleasure of identifying his mangled body.   After that I was angry at god, and formed a punishing relationship with love at its source.

Have any of you had anger at god?   What has caused it?  Do you feel deeply ashamed and uncomfortable about this?

I would love to hear from you on this topic.

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Finally getting my mother

When I was in my 20’s my mother was very outgoing.  She used to flirt with young men.  They seemed to play along or humour her.  When I brought my boyfriend home she flirted with him.  I married him and spent 25 years with him.

Now I am 53.  I was at a friend’s house where there is a volleyball court.  All his kids and friends were playing.  I had a broken toe so I was watching.  It was hot and summer, the young men started taking off their shirts.  I announced that all the men playing must take their shirts off.

They did.  I sat there being entertained while sipping my drink. 

In that moment I realised that I had become my mother.  This is exactly what she would have done. I laughed out loud and toasted her.

Too bad I finally “got” my mother in my 50’s but she has already been gone 8 years.

A nice summer moment.  She would have been proud.

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Drug Companies in America

Only in america does a drug company combine Naltroxone, that is used to block the effects of opioids in an overdose, combined with Bupropion which is an antidepressant that is used to help people quit smoking.

Now it is being marketed to woman as a new weight loss drug.

The side effects are crazy and include seizures and mania, all for a 5% weight loss.  Not to mention that the study was a small sample size.  They were each provided nutritional and exercise counseling, which is probably what the weight loss was really about.

OMG what is going on when a drug company can market something that has huge side effects and such little gain.  America is really over the top.

 

My own happiness

I am on hold to book my nail appointment in Colorado, USA.  While I am on hold I hear that Antigua Guatemala one of my favourite places in the world, is covered in hot ash with many people left to die.  3,000 wealthy were evacuated, the rest were left behind.

I book my gel nail apt.   Then my husband tells me Kate Spade hung herself in her billion dollar apt in NY city.  My reaction?  Wow she had so much money?

In Guatemala happiness is finding your daughter in the rubble.  In NYC happiness obviously cannot be bought.  There is always a highlight reel playing out on Facebook, of successes only.   It makes me conscious of how happiness is a personal responsibility.  It is my job to help create more happiness within myself.

These days I feel so impatient.  I want my life to be organized and sorted.  The truth is  that as soon as I feel organized, life will change again.

My only hope is that I can create some happiness within my heart that is enduring.

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The heart time

 

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:

I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”

~ Brené Brown

We all go through phases of development, Eric Erickson talked about the stage of middle adulthood as generativity vs. stagnation.  One of the biggest risks of this stage is feeling a sense of stuckness and disconnection from what you love.  I like to think of middle adulthood as being called  the heart time.  It is time to invest in your heart.  To trust your heart wisdom over your mind.

Prior to that the intellect, and logic have priority with career, family, children, and achieving material success.

Later in mid-life you may have the house, the job the children.  What is left?  Your heart, your unexplored passion, the depth of your soul, asking yourself who am I now?

This is what your 50’s are about.

 

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The delusion of permanence

 I remember when I went to australia with my husband in 2000.  We went to Perth and across to Melbourne.  We wanted to check out new Zealand but we said to ourselves “next time” we come back as we had planed to emigrate to Australia.  

We did not emigrate to Australia.  I have yet to see new Zealand.  

How often in my life have I told myself “next time”.  I will buy that crystal, or next time I will walk to the end of the beach.

Recently I went to Sedona to a retreat that is down a dirt road 2 hours from the airport.  After the retreat we had a day or two days to check out the vortexes close-by.  I had heard about Shaman’s cave, it is a tough hike in, quite remote-it is a place where shamans go to gain great spiritual insight.

I caught myself saying “next time we come we will plan a trip to the shamans cave”, putting it off assuming I will be back.  

How often in my life do I delay joy, assuming I will experience it at a later date? What if Janice Joplin is right and “tomorrow never comes”.  

What about fully enjoying a place while I am there.  What if I were to say to myself “I may never be back here”.  That is the real truth of life.  Am I am just waking up from the dream….

Life is impermanent and constantly changing.   What is real is this moment that is right in front of me, and the love that is available to me right here, right now.

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Who are you when no one is watching?

social courage: standing up, speaking up when no one is looking.

Social courage means not conforming to the expectations of others, being willing to show your true self even if it means risking social disapproval or punishment. It means being able to express opinions and preferences without checking to see if they are in line with “everyone else’s” opinions and preferences.” Wikipedia

I remember years ago when I was married to my first husband.  People at his work were making sexist jokes.  My husband came home and told me that he was uncomfortable but did not say anything.   We had a discussion about how to speak up so you don’t lose your job.   He went to work the next day,  and expressed his discomfort with the discussion to those involved.  He did not attack the people, he did not get self-righteous and tell them what they need to do.  He just spoke his truth.

Social courage is speaking your truth, even when no one of importance is watching.